How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

Sometimes, you get a little nagging feeling telling you something doesn’t feel right. It can be hard to ignore a gut reaction, especially when that reaction is telling you that your spouse is cheating on you. Unfortunately, family, friends, and the Texas court system will not support you based on a “gut feeling.”

Suspecting infidelity is different than proving infidelity. For your peace of mind and in preparation for a potential divorce, you are going to need to confirm that your spouse is carrying on an extramarital affair. Not sure how to catch a cheating spouse or what to do next? A Dallas divorce attorney can help.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse

A General Social Survey poll found that of married couples, 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women have admitted to infidelity. A separate survey finds that Texas is one of the U.S.’s top cheating hot spots.

Chances are, if you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, you’ve already recognized some of the common signs of infidelity, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Something is telling you that your relationship is not healthy or stable, and something is wrong. What are those signs? They can be as subtle as changes in your partner’s daily habits and how they speak to you, or as obvious as secret conversations and unexplained absences. Some of the most common signs that a partner may be cheating include:

• Lying 
• Unexplained absences and inconsistencies
• Emotional distance and lack of intimacy
• Changes in personality or attitude 
• Guarding personal devices 
• Suspicious phone and social media activity
• Significant changes in friendships or social circles 
• Alterations to their regular schedule 
• Periods where you cannot reach or contact your partner 
• Financial discrepancies and secretive spending
• Intentionally picking fights
• Exhibiting extreme defensiveness 
• Accusing their partner of cheating (deflection)

You know your spouse best. If changes to their behavior or routine become concerning, communication between you is deteriorating, and you struggle to find common ground, infidelity may be the cause.

Evidence Gathering Techniques

You may suspect your spouse is having an affair behind your back, but knowing it is happening is something different altogether. Although painful, proving that your spouse is cheating on you can be the push you need to take care of yourself and protect everything you’ve worked so hard to build.

It is essential to gather evidence before confronting your partner because accusations can drive your partner to cover their tracks more carefully, leaving you with the even more challenging task of uncovering their infidelity. Evidence of an affair also protects you from denials and gaslighting by your partner. It can also lead to more honest and productive conversations about their behavior and the root cause of the issues in your relationship.

If you aren’t a trained professional or PI, don’t worry. There are practical steps you can take to help gather evidence showing that your spouse is carrying on a relationship with someone other than you. Start the process by:

• Carefully observe your partner’s behavior and note new patterns or changes in habits
• Note changes in your partner’s appearance or significant alterations to their physical presentation 
• Ask for access to their phone, social media, and messaging accounts
• Speak with mutual friends about changes in your partner’s behavior or habits, and ask if they noticed anything different or unusual
• Plan unannounced or surprise visits to your partner
• Ask them to install a tracking app on their phone or other personal devices
• Carefully review your financial statements and records for unusual spending or expenses
• Look for secret accounts such as social media accounts, gamer handles, burner phones, bank accounts, or credit cards

If you have trouble locating the necessary information, consider hiring a private investigator. In addition to professional surveillance, they can also provide unbiased feedback and support.

Critical Communication Strategies

There is another way to establish whether a spouse is cheating. That involves communication. Communication may be one of the last tactics a person uses to uncover cheating because conversations this sensitive can be awkward and uncomfortable.

Wait until you have evidence showing that something is going on, and then approach your partner and ask for an open and honest discussion about their behavior and what is going on in your relationship. Although you have the right to feel hurt, frustrated, and angry, try to avoid expressing rage now because it can cause your partner to become angry and defensive in response, shutting down effective communication.

Instead, focus on your hurt and confusion over the situation and attempt to discuss the implications this behavior has on you and your relationship. It helps to establish the desired outcome you want from the confrontation beforehand. Are you looking to work together to move past the infidelity? Are you ready to part ways? Understanding what outcome you are looking for can help you manage your emotions and stay focused on the topic instead of getting caught up in the heat of the moment.

Communication strategies that can help you manage the situation can include:

• Stay calm
• Express your feelings to open up a dialogue 
• Present evidence of the cheating so your partner cannot deflect or deny 
• Listen to your spouse’s response 
• Prepare yourself for your spouse’s reaction and possible repercussions 

Your spouse may become defensive or shift blame to you, saying you and your behavior are the reason they cheated in the first place. Cheaters often use this tactic to deflect responsibility away from themselves or turn the tables, trying to play the victim. You may need to set boundaries or ask that you both seek professional counseling if you wish to proceed with the relationship.

Once trust has been broken, it may be impossible to rebuild. If you believe divorce is the only way forward after catching your partner cheating, discuss your situation confidentially with an experienced family law attorney before confronting your spouse. An attorney can help by providing practical legal advice and moral support, putting you in the best position to resolve your situation.

Contact a Dallas Divorce Attorney Today

Coping with a cheating spouse can be painful. Still, the experienced family law attorneys at Balekian Hayes, PLLC, can help guide you through this difficult time and lead you to a better and brighter tomorrow. Contact our Dallas office today to request a confidential consultation to discuss your situation and learn how we can help.