Divorcing a Narcissist in Dallas, Texas
It’s not unusual for divorcing spouses to throw around a lot of negative terms, including calling the other selfish or narcissistic. However, there is a true mental health condition called narcissism, and divorcing a narcissist can be more complicated than divorcing someone who doesn’t have this diagnosis.
You have rights in the divorce process, including the right not to be emotionally abused by your ex. A Dallas divorce lawyer from Balekian Hayes PLLC can help support you and protect your rights, especially in high-asset and high-net-worth cases. Contact our offices today for a consultation with an experienced Dallas family law attorney.
What Is Narcissism?
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental illness defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) as a Cluster B personality disorder with some of the following behavioral patterns:
- Need for admiration
- Grandiose actions, speech, and behavior
- Lack of empathy
It’s typically diagnosed by a licensed psychiatrist and has a high comorbidity with (occurs in conjunction with) other mental illnesses. The DSM-5 groups NPD with other Cluster B personality disorders, like Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder. Many people with NPD may exhibit unpredictable, selfish, or overly emotional behaviors.
You may suspect your ex has NPD or another Cluster B disorder or even be aware of their diagnosis. Unfortunately, in an emotionally charged situation like divorce, many people with NPD or another personality disorder may be even more emotional than usual. The stress of divorce can exacerbate NPD symptoms, even for someone who is in treatment.
How Does Narcissism Affect the Divorce Process?
Perhaps the only thing harder than divorcing a person with NPD is living with one. Your ex-spouse may pull out all the stops to wear you down emotionally. You could be subject to a flurry of texts, phone calls, or emotional manipulation. Narcissism is typified by overtly emotional behavior. During the stress of divorce and all the contentious issues that go along with it, it’s not uncommon for the narcissist to ramp up their emotional outbursts or histrionics.
You’re probably going to need a lot of emotional support during the divorce process, too. If you’re not in therapy, you may benefit from sessions with a counselor experienced in helping people in relationships with a narcissist.
Your ex may be trying to “pay you back” for filing for divorce or for making statements in court that reveal their imperfect behavior. Your attorney may tell you to document everything, take screenshots of text messages, make copies of emails, and save any voicemails your soon-to-be-ex sends you.
People with NPD are often emotionally manipulative and may use your feelings of sadness, anger, or fear against you. Your ex may attempt to influence you to make bad decisions during mediation or provoke you during court hearings.
It’s not unusual for a judge to order divorcing couples to go through mediation to negotiate a settlement. Your narcissistic spouse may be unwilling to compromise or make concessions and could drag the process out just to stress you out. Or, they could make threats during the divorce process, like saying they plan to take the kids, move away with your children, or ruin you financially.
Texas Family Code governs divorce laws in Texas and has specific provisions for what divorcing spouses can and cannot do, like taking the children without a court order. Your ex may be making threats, but a divorce lawyer who understands Texas divorce laws can shut these grandiose threats down.
That is why it’s so important for you to have skilled legal representation when you’re divorcing a narcissist. Your lawyer will protect your rights and can provide cool-headed advice during this emotional time. They can support you during hearings and mediation and help calm your ragged nerves.
What Are the Best Ways to Deal with Narcissists in a Divorce?
Support and solid legal advice can be your best resource if you need to know how to divorce a narcissist.
Don’t be surprised if your ex tries to portray you as the villain. A narcissist cannot see themselves as doing anything wrong, so in their mind, the entirety of the fault for the divorce lies with you.
Keep your eye on your end goals. Your Dallas divorce lawyer can help you establish what you want your life to look like post-divorce. This can include spousal support, child custody, and your share of the marital assets. Your lawyer is your advocate, and they can protect your interests during the divorce. They can also help you explore options for protective orders to keep your spouse from contacting you directly.
Many clients understandably want to know how to divorce a narcissist and win. What does “winning” look like for your post-divorce life? Do you want to hold your spouse accountable for the harm they caused you over the course of your marriage? If you’re hoping that your ex is going to admit they were wrong, you may not get that satisfaction. Instead, consider it a “win” that you won’t have to live with a narcissist.
You have options if you wish to limit contact with your ex. If children are involved and you’re sharing custody, your lawyer might ask the judge to require you and the other parent to communicate in a co-parenting app instead of via text or the phone. The Texas Attorney General’s Office (OAG) provides resources to help families co-parent. Though it’s unlikely your narcissistic ex will participate, you may find information there to help you deal with them as a co-parent.
How Can Balekian Hayes PLLC Help?
Divorce is stressful and a time of emotional upheaval. If your soon-to-be-ex-spouse is a true narcissist, it can be even more difficult to come to a settlement agreement you can live with. Are you looking for a divorce attorney to help you through a divorce with a narcissist? We can help.
Founded by Kris Balekian Hayes, the Dallas divorce lawyers at Balekian Hayes, PLLC can provide thoughtful legal advice based on your situation and advocate for you in mediation or at trial. Contact our law firm today for a compassionate consultation.