How to Help Kids Cope with Divorce in Texas

Divorce is an emotional time for spouses, but it can be even more painful for children. Children often cannot understand the complexities of adult relationships and may need help, understanding, and encouragement to get them through this potentially tumultuous time. One of the issues you should never overlook is how you can help your kids cope with divorce. 

At Balekian Hayes, PLLC, our compassionate divorce attorneys understand how divorce can impact parents and children. We aim to help you and your family find legal solutions that meet your needs and address your concerns. Let our experienced legal team help you manage the logistics of divorce so you have the time and energy to help teach your kids how to cope with a changing family dynamic.

Is Divorce Bad for Kids?

Often, individuals in unsustainable relationships say they are “staying in it for the kids.” Parents unhappy in their current relationship may be reluctant to separate because they believe separation may harm their children. Unfortunately, there are unique nuances to every relationship, and while divorce can negatively impact children in some situations, it can also positively impact children in other situations. 

Some reports suggest that children who experience divorce may be more likely to participate in destructive and self-destructive behaviors. Other studies note that children of divorced parents may also suffer negative, long-term consequences, socially and developmentally. 

Some commonly seen effects of divorce on children include:

• Poor academic performance
• Emotional sensitivity
• Difficulty adapting to changes
• Losing interest in social activities 
• Feelings of guilt or blaming themselves 
• Anger, irritability, and emotional outbursts 
• Destructive and self-destructive behaviors
• More health problems

Children of divorced parents may also experience disadvantages such as a significant change in their socioeconomic situation, depression, increased risk of substance abuse, early sexual activity, risky behaviors, and fewer educational opportunities. 

While all this information makes it seem like divorce is a terrible option, children are resilient, and with help and support from parents, family, friends, and mental health professionals, children can weather the divorce and bounce back from the experience relatively quickly. 

Additionally, divorce may be a better option for the health and safety of children when a parent is abusive, neglectful, or has a significant personality disorder. Children growing up watching harmful or abusive behaviors within their family can adopt these same detrimental attributes, affecting their future relationships with others and continuing the cycle of abuse. 

Children are also much more intelligent and observant than adults give them credit for. Children understand when one or both of their parents are unhappy. Watching parents stay in an unhappy relationship can teach children unhealthy behaviors and make it challenging for them to form meaningful relationships with others, especially romantic partners, when they are older.

When to Tell Kids About Divorce

Timing is everything. Although your instinct may be to wait to tell your child about a pending divorce to spare them the stress, honest and upfront conversation with family is essential. Many mental health professionals recommend telling your child sooner rather than later. Kids know when something is wrong and are incredibly intuitive. While they may not understand the concept of divorce, depending on their age, they do know when something is off. It is always better for a child to hear about changes in the family dynamic from you than leaving them to imagine the worst or hear it from others. 

Children respond to difficult news differently but expect some sadness, disappointment, or even anger. If possible, try to avoid telling a child about divorce around milestone occasions or holidays. It’s best not to leave a child to associate a traumatic moment with what should be a joyous occasion or time of the year. 

How to Explain Divorce to Children

Parents should present a united front and talk to their children about divorce together. This talk needs to be a family discussion, not one parent presenting one side of the story and the other presenting their side later. Talk to your child about what divorce means and what they can expect from their parents during and after divorce. Now is not the time to play the blame game. Divorce should be presented to children as a mutual decision, and parents need to emphasize that mom, dad, and especially the child are not to blame. You need to take the time to reassure your child that both parents love them and will be available to support them. 

While you do not need to share all the intimate details of why you are seeking a divorce, do explain the situation to your child using age-appropriate terms. Older children and teens understand relationship dynamics differently than younger children. Talk to them about the situation in a way that makes sense for your child’s age and stage of development. 

Once you explain the situation, open the conversation. Allow your child to ask you questions and express their emotions. Children may feel confused, angry, sad, or resentful. These are normal feelings, and you should encourage your child to share them with you, not bottle them up. Understand that it is also normal for some children to regress physically and socially, withdrawing from family and friends or having difficulties sleeping or toilet training, even if they did not have difficulties before. 

Now is the time to take a proactive approach to parenting. Give your child a safe space to express themselves and sort through confusing emotions. Be there for them and respond with compassion and understanding. In some instances, it may also be beneficial to seek professional mental health services so that your child can express their emotions without fear of hurting your feelings or putting more stress on your shoulders during an already stressful time. 

Support Your Child and Let Us Support You

At Balekian Hayes, PLLC, we know how challenging it can be to manage the stress of divorce, especially in high-stakes divorce cases. Our Texas family law team wants to support you and your family during this difficult stage of life. 

Contact a Dallas divorce attorney today to request a confidential legal consultation. We do the heavy lifting so you can focus on your family.