How to Deal with a Toxic Spouse in Texas

Sometimes, the picture-perfect romance between two people doesn’t always turn out like in movies or fairy tales. While not all relationships are perfect 100 percent of the time, it helps to understand the distinction between everyday relationship issues and issues that border on toxic.

The word “toxic” is often used on social media. It may be that the word is so frequently used to describe relatively common problems that many people have lost sight of what it truly means and how it reflects an unhealthy relationship dynamic. What does it mean to have a “toxic” spouse? Can a toxic relationship ever change for the better, or does a toxic relationship mean it is time to walk away? Here’s a closer look at how to deal with a toxic spouse.

Signs of a Toxic Spouse

A healthy relationship isn’t necessarily free from conflict or challenges. It is a relationship where two people who love and care for each other work together to communicate and solve problems. At the core of a healthy relationship is a positive and equal dynamic where each partner genuinely cares for the other and enjoys their time together.

A “toxic relationship” is a phrase commonly used to describe an unhealthy relationship where one or both partners feel unhappy, anxious, stressed, or unsatisfied in the relationship. Beyond general unhappiness, toxic relationships may involve fear, manipulation, and control instead of love, trust, and mutual respect.

Another hallmark of a toxic relationship is that when arguments occur, they are not productive, nor do they result in any meaningful resolution. Conflict seldom leads to change and only tends to escalate the division between partners and fuel emotional, sexual, or physical abuse.

Unfortunately, it can be challenging to notice red flags and signs of a toxic spouse when you feel like you are in love. It can also be difficult because many abusers or toxic personality traits don’t manifest until an individual “traps” their partner with marriage or children. Indications that a spouse may be toxic can include: 

• Lack of support and empathy
• Controlling and manipulative behaviors
• Frequent criticism or belittling
• Isolation from friends and family
• Isolation from finances 
• Emotional unavailability
• Resentment 
• Dishonesty and patterns of disrespect 

If you think you can’t fall prey to the tactics of a toxic personality, think again. Statistics from the National Domestic Violence Hotline suggest nearly 24 people per minute experience physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner. That’s over 12 million men and women annually.

Practical Steps to Address a Toxic Relationship

The first step in addressing any problem is admitting that there is a problem. You cannot take practical steps to address a toxic relationship until you acknowledge toxic tendencies and understand that these behaviors are a problem.

Once you realize you are in a toxic relationship, you can begin to understand and address the patterns of behavior that are causing issues. Couples therapy can be beneficial. However, it may be challenging to get a toxic partner to recognize and admit they have problems. If your partner is not willing to engage in therapy or work with you, seek professional help for yourself. Counseling can empower you and give you the tools you need to manage a toxic relationship dynamic. People often credit therapy with helping them take back control and start to think and make vital decisions for themselves.

You should also start rebuilding your support system. One key component of a toxic relationship is that the one in control isolates the other partner from friends and family or anyone who can hold a mirror up to the relationship and show the spouse the cracks in the façade. Rebuild your support network by reconnecting with people close to you.

No matter how much work you put into saving a toxic relationship, understand that a relationship works when both individuals are invested and willing to work toward mutually beneficial solutions. You can put an enormous amount of time and effort into saving your relationship, but at some point, if your partner isn’t willing to work with you, it may be time to consider other options.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Walk Away

While all abusive relationships are toxic, not all toxic relationships are abusive. However, over time, toxic relationships can turn into abusive ones if the core behavior patterns are not addressed. One of the most significant issues with a toxic relationship is that the toxic partner may thrive on the manipulation and fear that come with controlling their spouse. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical and involves hitting or kicking. Abuse takes several forms, such as physical, sexual, emotional, and financial. That abuse tends to escalate, especially when the partner feels like they are losing control or their spouse is seeking a way to get out of the relationship.

If you have worked on yourself and the relationship, and the concerning behavior patterns are not changing or escalating, it may be time to walk away. If you are constantly unhappy with your situation and feel depressed, stressed, or anxious, it is okay to walk away as well. Permit yourself to be happy. While abusive behaviors are key indicators that it is time to leave your marriage, understand that you don’t need a reason to leave if irreconcilable differences are preventing you from having a healthy marriage.

If the relationship doesn’t make you happy or is a detriment to your well-being, you can move on and seek happiness and a stable, happy, and loving relationship with yourself, your family, or another romantic partner elsewhere.

Contact a Dallas Divorce Attorney Today

At Balekian Hayes, PLLC, our sensitive Texas family law attorneys understand the emotional and legal difficulties that accompany a divorce from a toxic personality. We provide personalized legal advice and compassionate support to guide you confidently through this challenging time. When actionable steps fail to improve your relationship, we are here to help you dissolve your marriage and put you in the best position to start a fresh and fulfilling new life. Contact our office today for a confidential consultation.