Fear of Being Alone After Divorce

There is one emotion that tends to prevent people from taking the step they know they should take to end a relationship that is no longer working. That emotion is fear. Too often, an individual will stay stuck where they are because they worry that being alone is worse than being in a relationship that is unfulfilling or even abusive. 

Finding yourself after divorce can be a challenging experience. The fear of being alone after divorce or the idea of “starting over” can be intimidating and overwhelming, and may be preventing you from taking the next step to better your situation. Divorce doesn’t have to be a bad word. Learn to move past the fear of being alone and embrace the journey of getting to know yourself and eventually others in healthy and positive ways.

Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings Without Judgment

For some people, especially those in long-term relationships, the thought of divorce isn’t freeing; it’s frightening. When you spend the better portion of your life emotionally or financially relying on another person, untangling yourself and going it alone can be scary. One study by AARP suggests that 47 percent of divorced or separated adults feel lonely.

What many people don’t realize is that their fear of being alone after a divorce can stem from numerous different causes. It’s not always just the fear of being alone, but the fear of what being on your own can represent. Common reasons you may start to feel nervous about divorce can include: 

• Fear that you’ve lost your own identity and don’t know who you are without being part of a couple 
• Anxiety over being able to manage daily tasks without the help or support of another person 
• Shame or embarrassment over not being able to make your relationship work, or that you’ll be seen as flawed or inadequate 
• The fear of being alone or not being able to find love or companionship again 
• Stress over financially sustaining yourself without the help of a partner

Step one is taking time for self-reflection. Acknowledge what scares you about being alone and let yourself feel sad, angry, or stressed. Your feelings are valid, and you are allowed to feel pity, regret, or sadness in a judgment-free environment. While acknowledging and validating your feelings are healthy, do not dwell on or linger on your negative thoughts. Step one in the healing process may be to validate your feelings, but next comes taking proactive steps to boost your confidence and move on to new horizons.

Rebuilding Your Identity: Rediscovering Who You Are Outside of Marriage

One aspect of post-divorce fear that many people struggle to move past is learning how to rebuild their identity as an independent individual. So often, couples become a unit. That can make it hard for someone coming out of a relationship to think of themselves as an individual. Some of the ways you can reconnect with yourself and rebuild your identity after separating from a partner can include:  

• Journaling – Write down your thoughts, experiences, and hopes for the future. Reflect on your life before marriage, looking back and asking yourself what you were like and what you enjoyed during that time.  
• Reconnect with favorite pastimes and hobbies – Get out and get active in hobbies, sports, activities, or social groups you were interested in. 
• Set small goals – Prioritize setting aside time for yourself and setting small personal goals. Achieving small goals can help build your confidence. 
• Establish a support system – Lean on good friends or family members who can help you during this emotionally-charged time. It may also help to find new friends and social groups outside of your “couples” inner circle. 
• Get professional help – Never be afraid to seek outside help or another perspective on your situation. Mental health professionals offer a non-judgmental sounding board to help you work through your emotions and find coping mechanisms. 

Practical Ways to Thrive While Living Alone After Divorce

Worried about how it looks to be alone? Stop. You can embrace being alone and find practical ways to thrive and be happy after a divorce. Consider the following:

• Plan nights out with friends or family
• Invest in a current hobby or find new ones
• Get active by going to the gym or getting back to nature 
• Try new things 
• Take care of yourself and your living space 
• Work on developing your professional skills 
• Don’t rush into anything and take your time

Dealing with Triggering Moments (Holidays, Weekends, Milestones)

You may be taking steps to boost your confidence and feel great post-divorce until one triggering moment, like a holiday, birthday, or anniversary, sends you spiraling. Learning ways to cope with difficult moments can be one of the most challenging parts of rebuilding life after a divorce. Start by permitting yourself to feel upset, sad, or angry. Remember that it is okay to set boundaries and say no to things that may trigger negative emotions. Build your own traditions and special occasions. Focus on building or maintaining a close support group that you can turn to so you don’t feel isolated or alone.  

“What If I’m Alone Forever?” Challenging Catastrophic Thinking

The truth of the matter is, after a divorce, you may be your own worst enemy. At some point, most people think, “What if I am alone forever?” This type of catastrophic thinking is common and normal, but dwelling on the negative can derail your progress. 

Challenging this type of thinking starts by acknowledging negative thoughts and recognizing that they are an exaggeration. Are you likely to be alone forever? No. Fact-check yourself and recognize that your current emotions may be contributing to a negative mindset. You may be alone for the time being, but this is temporary. Reframe your thoughts and adopt a more realistic perspective. 

Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, yoga, or personalized relaxation exercises, can help break the anxiety spiral. Cognitive behavioral therapy can also help individuals learn coping strategies for managing catastrophic thinking patterns. 

Contact the Divorce Attorneys at Balekian Hayes Today

Living alone after a divorce can be frightening. Don’t let fear control your future or keep you in a bad situation. The compassionate family law attorneys at Balekian Hayes, PLLC, of Dallas, Texas, can help you manage the stress and uncertainty of divorce. We can empower you with innovative and practical legal strategies and support you during this emotionally challenging time. 

Contact our office today and request a confidential consultation.