Will My Kids Be OK After Divorce?

It’s the one question that nearly every parent going through a divorce asks at some point in the process: “Will my kids be OK after the divorce?” There is no simple answer to this question. Divorce can be an emotional time for families, and children in different age groups respond to divorce and stressful situations in various ways.

As a parent, the best thing you can do to help your children understand this situation is to be there for them, as a shoulder to lean on and as someone they can trust. Keep in mind that kids are resilient. With compassion, understanding, and support from you, you can help your children navigate the divorce process and emerge stronger and healthier as a family.

How Divorce Affects Children at Different Ages

There is no sugar coating the situation. Divorce has an impact on children, but that’s not to say that the effect always has to be traumatic or damaging. Although divorce involves a lot of complex emotions, children can emerge from the process stronger and more dedicated to forming meaningful relationships.

During the process, your child may feel angry, sad, frustrated, and lash out. It is easy to get swept up in these emotions as a child may feel their world is falling apart and everything they’ve ever known is changing. Understanding where your child is coming from and how they think can help you find coping strategies that work for their age group.

Young Children (Ages 0-5)

It is easy to think that young children who may not even understand language may not be significantly impacted by divorce. However, even babies and young children are highly observant and notice changes in tone, attitude, and environment. Younger children may feel confused or overwhelmed by changes in their family dynamic. With limited means of communicating complicated emotions, this age group may manifest their feelings in more physical and behavioral ways.

It is common for divorce to cause separation anxiety and behavioral regressions in small children. Parents may notice an increase in clinginess or crying. Stress may also contribute to changes in eating or sleeping patterns, as well as regressions to thumb-sucking or bed-wetting.

Parents of young children can help them through these struggles by remaining patient. Responding to regressive behavior with anger can only make the regression worse. Maintain a consistent routine and provide constant reassurance. Divorce may be challenging, but speak to your spouse civilly and do not engage in arguments, belittling, or yelling in front of children.

School-Age Children (Ages 6-11)

School-age children have a better concept of how family dynamics work and process emotions differently than younger children. However, being in school and a young child’s growing sense of identity can make them more susceptible to feeling like a divorce is tearing their world apart, especially if a divorce means they might have to change schools or move between each parent’s home. This age group may also internalize a divorce more than younger children, feeling responsible for the separation or guilty that things aren’t working out.

Divorce tends to affect this age group in ways that make a child feel conflicted about the situation and which parent they align more closely with. They can struggle with feelings of guilt, sadness, loss, and anxiety, which may result in pulling away from family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed.

You can help your child by having open and honest conversations with them about their feelings. Please encourage them to share their feelings and concerns, without judgment or anger. Stay engaged with the activities and friends that are meaningful to them and show them you are committed to supporting them, regardless of the circumstances. Avoid putting them in the middle of disagreements between you and your partner.

Teenagers (Ages 12-18)

Teenagers find themselves in a unique position because they have a more profound understanding of adult relationships. Still, with raging hormones and a rapidly developing brain, emotions can feel more intense and confusing. Teens may be more inclined to respond to divorce by lashing out in anger and expressing feelings of resentment and blame. They may also emotionally withdraw from family, distancing themselves from loved ones but attempting to form closer bonds with friends or other adults. Anger, resentment, and withdrawal can be dangerous because they may lead a teenager to engage in risky behaviors such as substance abuse, truancy, or risky sexual situations.

Parents may also worry that divorce during a child’s teenage years may affect them down the road by coloring their perception of adult relationships. You can support your teen by letting them know you are available to talk. Encourage them to see friends and participate in healthy activities they enjoy. Divorce can be difficult, but try to model healthy communication and adult behaviors by avoiding fighting or belittling your spouse.

Adult Children

While most research shows the effects divorce has on younger children, adults are not immune to the complicated emotions stirred up by a divorce. Many adults see “gray divorce” as shocking or frustrating, and wonder why now? Adult children may also be more outspoken about their opinions on the matter.

As a parent, try not to lean on your adult children for support during the divorce process. This can cause more confusion and upset, and make an adult feel like they have to choose between supporting one parent over the other.

Essential Strategies to Protect Your Children’s Well-Being

Protecting your child’s well-being during this challenging time is your top priority. Some of the ways you can help minimize the effects of divorce on a family include: 

• Encourage your children to share their feelings 
• Be a source of support and reassurance 
• Stay involved in your child’s life and activities 
• Maintain a consistent routine 
• Use age-appropriate language to explain the situation 
• Work with your partner, not against them, to model good behavior and conflict resolution 
• Avoid conflict in front of children
• Don’t disparage your partner to your children
• Don’t put your children in the middle of a conflict or make them choose one parent over the other 
• Seek professional mental health support to give your kids an additional outlet 

Divorce is complicated, but in the end, divorce may be a good thing for you and your family. As a parent, you can model good behavior and communication skills and be a supportive figure for your child, helping them understand that things will be OK. Your kids will be OK.

Contact Balekian Hayes, PLLC, Today

If you are ready to take the next step in your life and move forward with divorce, the compassionate legal team at Balekian Hayes, PLLC, is prepared to listen. Contact our Dallas office today and request a confidential consultation to discuss your situation.